Keeping expectations just ahead of positive

Keeping perspective on your child's tennis expectations is one of the worst things for a parent. Above all, as a teenager he reaches an age where he can feel and visualise his potential (when you are young you probably won't even understand the word expectations). So everything he does, whether it be practice or matches, is set up by expectancy. It seems to me that whenever this is not met, on most occasions, we can see damage.

The big change for my son is that he is 17 and has left home to study in Germany. He had no particular attachment to his home club, that is, he hasn't left behind essential practice partners or coaches. But this club did offer him unlimited winter and summer court time, and many opportunities to play club matches and individual tournaments. Certainly he had an attachment to what we, his family, were giving him. We played with him, talked tennis with him, drove him around. I can imagine that any expectations were not his own. By default, our ambitions will have become his.

At the same time, I'm not sure that our ambitions were very clear to him. As suggested above, a young child may hear, "when are you going to be on the telly at Wimbledon?", but these sorts of expectations are very light, create certain aspirations and dreams, but no expectations as such. Even a junior player cannot help but notice that hard graft of practice and tournaments over-rides any excessive build-up of expectations. Their lives are so constrained by the family and school routine that life goals are not a major issue.

Expectation of jumps

My son has had a wonderful summer in his tennis tournaments, achieving his ranking objective, and making significant mental, and technical jumps that'll set our objectives for this season, once we get our Futures calendar sorted out.

The summer finished, his studies started, in a new city in Germany, a city that we had researched for its tennis opportunities. By chance, his university was placed within cycling distance of the most exclusive club, Iphitos, tha club where an ATP tournament is held every April. I found out that all levels of the professional game were represented at that club, in singles and in doubles. All sorts of training groups were running through the winter, getting players ready for occasional winter tournaments, less accessible than in France, but in particular for the next summer season which is not far away now. Much of this winter training is to do with strengthening existing hitting routines, getting fitter, and establishing matchplay set plays that will serve a purpose when the next match comes along.

So, already in our preparations for Iphitos, we had high expectations.

Then a major problem emerged.

In our local club, we have understood the limitations and potential of what is around us. You could even argue that we have no assumptions at all. We know what we get, we know what we have to invest personally in order to get returns out of those structures. But we, without realising it, are living through our own energy and ideas. We expect nothing "extra" from anybody. And nobody suprises us. Nobody gives anything to us.

That is what has happened at Iphitos. We, as a family, cannot supply our usual energy and routine - we are 800 kilometers away. Iphitos, typical of most tennis clubs, provides no direct help for new members. That member has to find his own way through the quagmire. The most astonishing thing is that we have asked, here, there, and everywhere, for help. Begged for help, from administrators, coaches and colleague players alike. The reaction from all of these groups has been identical. These people are all getting on with their own lives, and are neither paid, nor motivated by money or satisfaction, to ensure the successful integration of a 17 year old.

This is very disappointing. I certainly registered my son at Iphitos with a view to profiting from impressive criteria - a club with over 30 courts, over 1000 members, and one of the oldest clubs in Germany, and a complete palette of players, coaches and programmes to cater for any taste, significant sponsorships to ensure the smooth running of all of their groups, and club administration that has no problem staging an ATP tour event. It's all there. There are no excuses.

In our contact with our offspring in Germany, we have well noticed that he has, as we have, maybe independantly of us for the first time, had his own expectations. They have not been met, and he is gutted. Where does he go from here?

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